Behaviour Analysts underline that it is human nature in situations to automatically sway towards the negative a high percentage of the time. This can be seen often in both adult & child behaviour. One of the most common areas that highlight this tendency, is it showing up in how people talk about themselves. The following are helpful tips for parents when they hear negative self-talk coming from their child in order to help turn the situation around to a more positive one.
1) Acknowledge How They Are Feeling – Behaviour Therapists highlight that sometimes a child can get frustrated if they feel that their parent does not understand how they are feeling & of how big of a deal the situation is to them. When a child feels like a parent doesn’t understand or doesn’t care, this can lead to them expressing this frustration through behaviours such as tantrums, etc. This is why it is so important for parents to let their child know they understand how they are feeling & that they are there for them.
2) Validate That It Is Ok To Feel This Way – When parents hear their child with negative self talk, Child Therapists convey that it is good for parents to acknowledge to their child that is is normal to feel a range of feelings, from having difficulty managing anger, frustration, sibling rivalry, sadness, disappointment, etc., & that everyone experiences these emotions at times. When a child knows this, it helps them to realise that they are not a failure or struggling with life more than other people, but that in fact everyone goes through a range of emotions depending on what type of situation they are in.
3) Tell Them Of A Time That You Felt Similar – When parenting it can help to navigate different situations that your child comes up against by letting them know of times that you went through similar situations or of times when you have felt the same. People connect with others who they feel they have common ground with & that understand, & so this will help to get your child to connect with you, & make it more likely they will listen to your advice if they feel that you have been through similar.
4) Help Them Find The Positives In The Situation – If a child comes up against a situation & they feel defeated & negative about it, this can then lead to behaviour challenges. However, if a parent takes the time to show their child that there are actually positives to the situation, this can shine some light on the situation, & make it into a much more positive one, that the child is more likely going to feel able to handle.
5) Remind Them Of The Power Of “Yet”. “I Can’t Do This. . . Yet.” – Studies in the field of Behaviour Analysis show that the simple act of re-phrasing something in a way that is more positive, can instantly turn a situation around & make a person feel a lot better about it. By emphasising to a child, that they can’t do it “yet”, this gives them the positive thought that although it may be something they currently find difficult, that they can overcome it.
6) Remind Them Of What They Have Achieved & Overcome Before – Often times, people do not give themselves the credit for all that they have achieved & overcome. That is why it is great for parents to remind their child of how resilient & capable that they are. In addition to this, when parents give their child positive attention in this way, & give them praise for it, it reduces the likelihood that their child will present with attention seeking behaviours, as they are already getting positive attention from their parents.
To Book A Consultation To Get Help Managing Your Child’s Behaviour Either In-Person Or Via Zoom:
Call: 00353 89 451 1432
Or
E-mail: thechildbehaviourconsultancy@outlook.ie
Or
Click Here To Fill Out A Contact Form.
