• As a parent, before giving your child instructions, Behaviour Analysts recommend that you minimise any distractions that may make it harder for them to focus.
– Pause the video game they are playing.
– Pause the TV.
– Ask them to stop what they are doing for a second.
– Ask them to put down their book.
– Etc.
• When parenting, to get your child’s attention & to help them remain focused on what you are saying, Behaviour Therapists highlight that it is more effective if you ask them to look at you before you give them the instruction, & it makes it easier if you move into their line of sight.
• Child Therapists underline the importance of the parent modelling the behaviour you would like to see – They advise that you give your child YOUR full focus when giving the instruction to show that it is important.
• If a child tends to generally seek a lot of attention or present with a lot of attention-seeking behaviours, then when asked to do something, they often delay it, or do it incorrectly, in order to get the negative attention that they are looking for. To overcome this, it is best to give them lots of praise & attention for doing it right, as if they are seeking attention from you, then whatever behaviour they get attention for, this is the behaviour you are going to see more of, so it’s important the attention is given to positive behaviour.
• Be precise in what you ask them to do – Instead of saying “Clean your room”, Say “Put your clothes in the wardrobe. Make your bed & Put the toys back into the box”. This way they know exactly what is expected of them & so there is no confusion which may lead to conflict, which may in turn result in negative behaviour such as tantrums, etc. Also, make sure that you are fair in asking them to do the same amount of things as what you ask their siblings to do, in order to minimise sibling rivalry & other behaviour challenges.
• Give short & simple instructions, i.e. Give instructions one at a time – So, instead of saying “Set the table, wash your hands, & tell your sister it’s time to eat.”, Instead give the first instruction, wait until they have done that & then give the next instruction.
• Use “Wait Time” – Studies in the field of Behaviour Analysis have found that it can take some children longer to process information, so give them 3 – 7 seconds for them to process it.
• Ask them to repeat back to you what you have said – This reinforces it in their mind, helps them to remember it & allows you to confirm that they know what you have said. It also allows them to ask questions if they have any.
• If it is an instruction, tell don’t ask – For example, instead of saying “Would you set the table please?”, say “Come set the table please”. Your child may be under the impression that it’s a choice if you phrase it the first way, they understand it is a direction when you phrase it the second way.
• Use Visual Cues – Sometimes children can find it difficult to follow spoken directions but when they have a visual cue for what they are being asked to do, this can at times really help: For example, demonstrate what you are asking them to do & say “Please set the table the way I’m setting up this spot“.
• And finally, increase the chance of your child displaying positive child behaviour, by you yourself managing anger by not losing your patience or getting annoyed with them.
